Newborns

It is such a good thing that newborns are cuddly and make funny faces when they sleep! It so makes up for the endless amount of time that you are up in the middle of the night when you are supposed to be sleeping!

Some nights are good, only up every two hours to nurse then straight back to bed, but then there are those nights, you know those ones, where the sweet smiling angel just looks at you and says with his eyes, "Lets PLAY"!

On one such middle of the night encounter I was walking around the house trying to get him back to sleep, rocking him and whispering sweet nothings in his ear about how tired I was and how wonderful it would be if he would let me go back to sleep, he would screech then stop then do it again. I decided to turn on the light to see what in the world was going on and he stopped screeching and looked at me with the most content look on his face. He wanted to have the lights on so he could PLAY!

I put him in the bouncer and he watched me while I cleaned the kitchen. He was just so content. I was shocked that he went from screeching to absorbing his world. When he was done playing he gave a little squawk and we nursed and he fell right to sleep!

The miracles of Newborns!

I had my dr.'s appt on Thursday where I was told that I was barely a 2 and the head was down a little so I suggested that I be induced that day. My dr. told me a big no, that he wouldn't be around and I said okay when? He told me that I would have to wait until after the holiday weekend and he would schedule it sometime next week if that was okay with me. What does sometime next week mean? Tuesday, or Friday? Did I really have a choice? So I decided that it would be okay because for sure I would have my baby by the due date, cause that is what is supposed to happen isn't it?

What is a due date? It is supposed to be the date in which your baby that you have been carrying for the last 40 weeks comes to you painfully yet joyfully. So what happens when your due date is a crock? A Joke? A number which is there to torture you?
Welcome to my sweet attitude toward due dates.

I still think that they should give you an estimated time range in which your baby might come, but when they give you a date, it is a final number isn't it. Isn't it the number in which you count down to? What happens when you count down to that number and nothing happens.... Then what? You start over? You count backward? You curl in a ball and cry?

So you want to know what I did on my due date? I did not hold my sweet baby in my arms while we tried to adjust to breastfeeding and sleeping and two other kids needing attention. I finished a book, took a shower, did laundry, forced Joe and kids to go to Cabellas for something to do, came home, tried to mow the weeds (they haven't grown back yet), pulled all my dead corn out, cleaned up the weeds the cement guys left, watched Joe play on the motorcycle, cooked dinner and POUTED!!!

did you know that inducing labor is a bunch of crap! There is no way to make your baby come out until he and your fabulous cervix is ready. So why do i keep trying? I mowed my lawn yesterday for 3 hours. I know that is a lot of lawn, but when you are as big as I am and you do not have a self propelled mower, it takes a while. I also used the very bouncy and useful riding mower to do the weeds in the back. Still nothing!!!
I weed eated the day before, I rolled up hoses, then unrolled them, cleaned off my patio, sprayed for bugs, sprayed for weeds.... Still nothing!!!

Hello, I am trying my hardest, how come this sweet baby cannot see that?

Oh and after that I started getting little contractions, got all excited, had the kids pack, then cleaned the entire house, including vacuuming.

NOTHING!!!!!

So I am still huge with a wiggly sweetheart in my belly. I am pretty sure he knows how much better he has it where he is, so he is not in any hurry to get out. I have one week to go before the due date. What is a due date really? How many people really have a baby on thier due date? I think it should be a due time. Somewhere within these two weeks you could have your baby! Maybe then my baby would realize that his mom is ready to have him out and not in anymore!

Last night all I dreamed about were ways to induce myself! I was even on the computer at 5 am searching the web! Did you know that eating pineapple is supposed to help relax something down there that helps with contractions! All of a sudden I feel like eating pineapple, lots of pineapple!!

good news! i think he has dropped, maybe he will come out after all!

Okay, I am taking a big girl pill! No more whining. I love being pregnant! Okay really I love the thought of seeing someone grow up from being so small to so big like my other kids. I love the thought of holding a baby and seeing him smile just because he sees my face. I love the thought of seeing all of the small steps that will happen and being so excited to experience them with Cole and Bella!
I keep talking about how uncomfortable I am and whining and I realized that whining doesn't change things at all.

Will he look like Cole or Bella? What is his personality going to be? Can he be totally different than my totally different children now? How are my other kids going to react to him?

I really can't wait to meet him!

31 weeks

I went to the dr. today and I am still measuring one week bigger than I am. I am still wearing the belly brace and it still sucks. I try to be strong and try not to wear it for a day, but I pay for it the next day. I asked my oh so explanatory dr. what was up with my body and he pointed to my two darlings sitting next to me and said that my ligaments are stretched out and there is nothing that I can do but suffer. He did say again to try to not do to much and as always I laugh on the inside. I have given up mowing the lawn, but I sit in anguish as I am staring at it, hinting, and waiting, and waiting for Joe to find time to do it. I gave up on him with weed eating, he so doesn't understand the finesse of our weedeater and I finished it up for him (really me) the other day. It is so nice to see that part taken care of. It almost killed me but I believe it was worth it.

By the way is it normal for your fingers or toes to randomly go numb and then tingle back to life VERY SLOWLY?

So I went to Motherhood Maternity and bought a stupid belly brace. It disgusts me that I have been reduced to wallowing in self-pity. Does anyone have any idea how to make this child stop hurting me? The brace has helped but I am not looking forward to wearing it for 10 more weeks! It itches and it has so many parts to it that it takes 10 minutes to just put it on. Then you spend the whole day adjusting it. Totally not fair. What happened to the easy pregnancy where you just did what you did and then the baby just popped out and you kept doing what you do? I think I want that one back!!!

I take it back!

Joe has helped me out so much! I am sorry that I criticized his lawn mowing ability. Granted he did not do it the way I do it, but he did it. And he did it without complaining and making a big deal. I love you babe! You are trying really hard to make this easier for me!

Dr. visits

So a little update as to the hardest pregnancy I have ever had! Okay so it is still a very easy pregnancy. No real complaints other than I am not invinsible and I cannot do everything! I was doing really well until I went home to Mom and Dad's for the weekend. I mowed thier lawn, with the riding lawnmower, and had cramping and Braxton-Hicks ever since. In fact this whole last week I would suffer through work then come home and lay on my bed and let my kids survive on thier own.

Well I went to the dr. yesterday and I asked him how long this was going to last. He said, "Just keep doing as little as possible and hopefully it will get better." How am I supposed to sit on my butt for two more months? I can barely sit still right now.
Now I have to wait for Joe to mow the lawn, which by the way I have had the job for the last 3 years. AND I have it perfected by the way.
Am I supposed to wait for Joe to help with laundry? And cleaning? SERIOUSLY? We will be living in a house that all of the mess is pushed against the walls, and the laundry will be in a heap in the couch!

I am truly stressed out about this. I am self reliant and really Joe doesn't have a clue how to do these things "right". Which means my way!
In fact I am trying to talk myself out of mowing the lawn right now because it is the first day in forever that it hasn't rained, but I don't know if I want to suffer the consequences of tomorrow?
How do people do this?

PS. I am really freaked out that the baby thing right next to this says that I only have 11 weeks left. Can that be right? I don't think we are ready for this!!!

I dedicate this to Rachel's blog

Rachel's blog stated "If found call Rachel". I am looking for something... My short term memory! I have totally misplaced it and everything that goes into that file pile. I am working and I set something aside to do and in less that 5 minutes I cannot remember what I was supposed to do. Now some of you are saying that this alway happens to you, well it does to me too, but usually if I go back to the place where I started I can remember. But I can't remember where I started! Yesterday I left work with a list of at least 5 things that were SO IMPORTANT that I had to go back on my off day to do. So I get up early, get Cole to school, get Bella ready, drive the 30 minutes to school, AND CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT I NEEDED TO DO. We walked around for 40 minutes before I gave up and went home. What a waste of time. I really do hope I remember what was so important before the time comes when it was supposed to be taken care of. So if anyone finds my short term memory with the piles and piles of stuff in it that I have lost please let me know. A note might be best though, that way I can pin it to MY shirt and will know where to find it.
PS. Dad asked me to do some stuff at the house tomorrow, does anyone remember what it is?

How many months?

So this last week I have been making myself miserable thinking about how I was only 5 months along and that I will start dreading my long miserable pregnancy any day now... Then I realized that for being college educated I sure am not smart. I recognized on my LONG drive down home that months don't have 5 weeks in them and so that means if I am 25 weeks then I am really 6 MONTHS into this pregnancy. I cannot believe that I have been telling everyone that I am 5 months instead of 6. I think that I will just go by weeks, it is easier to add!

So as I go throughout my days I keep having this thought in the back of my head... YOU NEED TO BLOG. I am taking a ton of pictures and our lives are very busy, but I am lazy! I had no idea that it is so hard to sit at a computer and have one train of thought for 5 minutes. Almost impossible!
But here is a thought.... why is it that I sit around whining about how uncomfortable I am, yet I still have not bought any maternity pants. (I have bought 2 shirts by the way) I hoist my incredibly tight pants up every morning, not being to do them up and then wonder throughout the day how can I be so uncomfortable when I still have so far to go. Seriously I have a problem. I cannot let go of the idea that I might still fit in my prepregnancy clothes if I try hard enough. One day its going to happen, I will be down to my last pair of pants and try as hard as I can and can't get them on. Then what? I am stuck wearing....... No idea because I can't bring myself to buy those pants with the big elastic strip at the top. Someone go shopping with me! I need someone to talk me into them. Every time I go to the store I walk by maternity and keep walking! I can't imagine that I am ready to fit into them, am I?

check this thing out! I was looking at maternity pants online and i saw this. I cannot believe what we will do to keep our pants on!

something tragic happened?

i am not sure how to judge this occurrence at my house. I am still trying to decide if I am justified in the change or if something went terribly wrong.
As you know I sat on the couch with my puking daughter for 3 days straight. After this when she decided to start running around and being 3 again, I couldn't get my butt off of that imprinted cushion! Sitting there did something to my can't hold still motivation. I let my house go, I didn't do anything in my yard, and i whined about how bad I hurt. COME ON! How is it that I feel better after moving continuously for 12 hours a day then when I sit on a padded cushion for that long. Something is so sick and wrong.
It took until Wednesday, when I forced myself to change into vball clothes before i started feeling like myself again. So one vball game later I was on the rampage again!
I have planted a garden, weed eated my yard, mowed half my yard, worked and enjoyed every minute of it. So help me this is absolutely crazzzzy!

food for thought

so food for thought...

How is it that all winter when I did not have a volleyball stuck between my boobs and my hips all I wanted to do was sit and watch tv, blog, and try as hard as I could to do nothing at all?
Now that I have a volleyball you know where I cannot sit still, I cannot focus on watching tv, and when I should be wanting and able to eat crap food I DONT WANT TO!!!

I am not capable of sitting and doing anything, in fact I have to force myself to blog this because I cannot even spend 5 minutes doing this!!

OMG and HELP!!!!!

nesting: To create and settle into a warm and secure refuge.

when I think of someone nesting during pregnancy, I think of someone making their house more organized or redoing rooms, paint, furniture, anything of that sort.

I caught myself nesting today. Yep, me who cannot stand cleaning or laundry or....

On no, don't worry, I didn't actually CLEAN my house. I have been practically living outside trying to clean it! In my head I have been validating myself saying that I am trying to do all of hte yard work before I go back on track, because once I go back to work I will be to tired to do anything. Yeah right. I work 4 hours a day!! No it is nesting!!! Luckily I am not inside doing mundane cleaning and organizing. I have, besides made my little heaven, weed eated? the sidewalk, even though there is no grass growing yet, trimmed all around my house, put up solar lights, weed eated? my weeds next to my house (even though Joe already sprayed them), and my biggest project... CLEAN THE GARAGE
Now for some of you this is no big deal, rearranging a few boxes, or bikes or putting a couple of tools back... My garage is so bad. I spent at least 4 hours just putting things away. No cleaning, no organizing, unless piles on the floor counts, no rearranging things, oh no, just putting things away. And.. I am not finished. Instead of putting our tools away we throw them in a tote. I have this tote to clean out.
I keep denying the nesting bug, but I think I have it. No more excuses! I, Mari, am pregnant and I am nesting. (EWWWWW)

This morning I really felt the baby kick. Before I could feel the movement every once in a while, but this morning it was going on for a long time. I really missed that feeling and can't wait till it happens alot, comfortably. And then.... the ones that really hurt where you feel that the baby is trying to pop that balloon they are living in just to get a little more room!

I am surprised by a thought/feeling that I had this morning. I was doing errands, driving in the car trying to block out Bella's stories, (that is another story in itself), and I felt sad that my pregnancy is half over. I realized that I only had a few more months to be pregnant. What in the world was I thinking? I was honestly sad that it couldn't last longer. Obviously I am not to the point where everything hurts and moving is impossible. But is it possible that I might still feel this way in two months when it is so hot that I will live in the swimming pool with a popsicle in my mouth?
I have crazy dreams at night, really crazy, but I didn't know that pregnacy creates crazy daydreams too!

Ultrasound!!

I still can't tell what they are, but the baby has to be cute! It is mine!!!

Here is a picture of me in San Francisco....

I think it worked

3 more days...

Three more days until we do our big ultrasound moment! I am excited but at the same time it really isn't important to find out the sex since I have one of each.... I am interested in looking at the ultrasound to see if everything is all right with him/her.

...Volleyball is my sanity! I feel like crap all day and i fret about whether I will be able to compete in volleyball and whether I should give up and just sit around getting fatter... But then i force myself to get up and go play. I love it. My body loves it! I feel like I am normal for an hour. But then...

i force myself to move at all the next day. I feel like i ran a marathon and I am exhausted and sore and think to myself "why am I doing this to myself?"

I don't know if it is worth it but I will still do whatever I can to have that one hour of normal! (Who cares if it takes 2 days to recover each time)

I am really struggling with how fast my body is showing the pregnancy, I am always checking myself against other pregnant ladies and try to determine how far along they are compared to me. But the only ones I really notice, look like they are nine months along! Do I look like that?

a little update!

ok not much of an update.... I am still recovering from vacuuming yesterday, isn't that just sad! I played vball on Wednesday and Thursday and I am so thankful that I can still move enough to make it worth it. It saves me from doing absolutely nothing and gaining weight while eating non stop. I am workied about next week though... We have a game at 6:30, 7:30 and possibly 8:30 that night AFTER I have parent teacher conferences all day. I will miss the 630 game so I hope that we win so I can play the rest of the night!

So my sweet Bella has got this pregnancy all figured out. I am carrying a baby boy, Joe is carrying a baby girl and my sweetheart is carrying in her sweet belly.... a puppy! Her puppy is coming out soon she says. I just showed her the picture of "our" baby on the blog and her response was " I want to see a picture of my puppy!" she was completely serious. I think I need to find her a puppy when we have the baby!

I think that I am linking this blog to the other blog

Will anyone notice? I don't know!

I had a scary thought the other day.... I will be playing comp volleyball when I am 7 months along.... I will be so slow, but at least I will get the ball alot cause they will be hitting it at the slow prego woman!!!

Another scary thought.... I have to spend 2 more LONG months with 6th graders who have overnight turned into Jr. High students who are WAY above the attention and discipline of a young elementary school atmosphere! HELP!!!!

Am I telling?

I suppose I am telling people that we are pregnant, but am I really telling? It kind of makes it official doesn't it.

I am planning on telling the rest of the family when we go down for that wrestling thing next week. I think? If it comes up, or maybe they will think that I am gaining my weight back plus more?
Maybe I will wait and surprise them in May when I am so big that I can't fit into a suburban and I will have to have a whole seat to myself.... Good Idea Mari!!!

I scheduled my ultrasound, and Joe for April 13th. It seems to come so fast, I hope that the whole pregnancy in the middle of summer where I wear nothing but daisy dukes and a sports bra goes by fast. And I am sure that others will be hoping for that too.

I am worried that I am officially not working next year. I have a fear that I will become completely insignificant in the world. I know, I know, I am not so significant right now, but I have 28, ok 26, 12 year olds who think I am pretty cool!

So a sweet friend told me today, that she doesn't get how everybody hasn't noticed that I am pregnant as I cannot hide it anymore! I think my feelings were hurt, but then I realized it was the truth. But then again....maybe I can hide it. At school I always have a jacket or a sweatshirt on and hiding my whole torso. But at home it is obvious. I think Tacey might start to put it together soon, but I always try to do the sweatshirt or jacket thing around her. She just thinks that I have gained weight...
When are we going to tell people? I have no idea, I will not lie to anyone but I am interested to see who has enough guts to actually ask, instead of speculate.

The cute ticker off to the side is exactly what I have been looking for! I love that the baby "swims" around. Bella sees it and goes "Aawwwww" which is my favorite sound from her. She only does it on special things like a cute pair of shoes or a really great dress.... or her "baby sister" as she calls the baby.
Personally I think it will be a boy.h

What to write about?

So this week I have to keep reminding myself that I AM pregnant. I feel 95% normal now. So sometimes I go hmmmmm.... am I really? I know that going to the doctor counts and being sick counts, but it is crazy how easy I forget the bad stuff and focus on the right now. Maybe that is a good thing.

week 13

So this is week 13 we think... I am feeling SO much better. I do not have the indegestion that I had before and I am not tired as much. I know that it will not last forever but I love that I don't have to take naps, that I actually have a desire to do something and that I am not ready to yell at my children at any moment.

Amy asked me to play spring vball and I am excited but worried because I always get slower the bigger I get. Not that my body is slower but my mind is slower. It bothers me, because I like to feel normal even though I have this huge ball on my belly.
Before I got pregnant I weighed 134 pounds and wore a size 4/5 now
I weigh 140 pounds and I am up to a size 8/9

Oh how I wish my body would stop getting bigger!

On the good side!

On the good side, my heartburn is nearly gone! YEAH ME! The doctor wouldn't give me a prescription and I was hurt, but now I am better most of the time.

I also have my energy back! I still have to go to bed by 9 every night, but.... I wake up with energy to do stuff... I am so excited to feel good again. I seriously thought that it would last this whole pregnancy since the whole thing is out of whack!

I don't know why I have to be so FAT already! I tried so hard for over a year to be "skinny" and I was getting close to where I wanted to be in size. Then all of a sudden, kaboom! my body got pregnant and over night, literally I started to change. I couldn't figure out why my boobs were so huge again and now my stomach! I am pretty sure that what I thought was muscle in my stomach was just nonsense! It is as if I have never had muscle and never will!
And why oh why is it this time that my butt and thighs have decided that they did not want to stay small but blow up so that I have to buy new clothes.
Every other pregnancy I have only gotten bigger with the belly and a little with the boobs. Is this punishment????

So much gas.....

My hormones or emotions!

I wish I understood why this pregnancy everything seems so much more sensitive to every thing. I cry at everything!! I don't know if it is because I am stressed about the babysitter thing or if it is just my emotions.

I have found something that helps so much with the heartburn, or indigestion or whatever it is! Peppermint. Peppermint anything is so fabulous!!! I have started chewing peppermint gum, I have peppermint lifesavers and I love Christmas candy. I am sure that someone else thought of this, but I am still claiming this as my own idea. Tums didn't work, neither does the hard core heartburn medicine. When I go to the doctor next week, I plan on begging for a prescription but until then I shall eat peppermint like it is going out of style!

I want to feel normal so bad! I want to be happy and skinny and not have heartburn.

I think I discovered the answer!

As I have been complaining about everything..... I think I discovered the problem to my ailments. POP! I think the carbonation is making me have heartburn or indigestion and I think that whereas before I could drink caffeination and be fine, right now if I have just a little I stay awake ALL NIGHT LONG!

So good bye Dr. Pepper, I shall surely miss you! You have been such a good companion on those days where I felt like I couldn't take one more 12 year old asking me the same question that ten other 12 year olds just asked.
You have also been such a good companion on those days where I want to sit and relax watching tv and stuff my face with very unhealthy snacks.

Goodbye, my sweet!

Emotions

I am so tired of this already! I am tired, sick, sad, happy, worthless, sore, hopeful, lazy and all within 2 hours. i wish that I could understand what is going on. Today I dropped Cole off at school, turned on the tv for Bella and slept until it was time to pick up Cole. i am exhausted from emotions.
PS I am boycotting everything today!!!

food issues!

So far in this short pregnancy I have already had food aversions. I have not had them before with my other 2 pregnancies. Does this determine the sex of the child? I wonder? So anyway right now I cannot stand seafood, which I used to crave shrimp daily!

and Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. The smell of ranch can permeate an entire house, which I did not know before, and it really makes me sick!

I also heartburn all the time, which I did not have before. I did have heartburn with Bella, but that was when I was so big it was understood.

I have therefore decided that I am having twins! That is the only deductive reasoning that I can think of. This pregnancy is unlike any that I have had before.

Sometimes I wish that I could tell family and friends what is going on. I am not a private person, yet Joe is. It is hard to keep to myself when I want to tell everyone everything. It makes me sad that Tacey cannot share any of this with me, until I am so big everyone knows!

I am also sad that I cannot talk to my children about the beautiful being that is growing inside of me. I know that they will not understand anything, but something might catch on at one point. I love Joe and I try to incorporate his feelings on things into my life, but it is HARD, sometimes when I think outloud and process outloud while he does both inside.

i love you joe.

its all in my head?

So I know that when people aren't really sick but think they are they have all of the symptoms. I feel like I am sooo pregnant and showing all the signs, but I know that I am not. So far my ghost symptoms are: 1. my belly has grown so big that for sure it is a baby, 2. I have heartburn or indigestion or whatever it is, 3. I am so tired that I have no desire to do anything of importance including, cleaning, cooking, laundry....

So in real life I have realized why these things are happening but I still thinkg that they have to do with the baby. Here are the real life answers: 1. I am fat because all of Christmas break I did not get off my butt and ate takeout any chance I got, 2. The heartburn is probably because of all of the takeout and candy that I eat while I sit on my butt, and 3. I have no desire to do anything because.... well I have never had the desire!!

I start playing bball tonight and I am dreading it like someone dreads surgery or a church talk. I hope that I will like it once we start playing, but I know how out of shape I am and how poor of a shot I am. Wish me luck!!

So here goes!

I surprised Joe on Tuesday, when I texted him saying that we were going to have another strain in the family!

I hadn't been feeling well, Monday and Tuesday mornings and my you-know-whats have been hurting!!! So my gut instinct was that I could be prego? I went to the store after work and got a set of two testers. Right when I got home I took a test, wandered away reassuring myself that I was overthinking things. About 5 minutes later I came back and WOW it said pregnant. I then went NO? The thing must be wrong!
Just in case I texted Joe, who is in LA this week. I explained our dilemna and he texted me back almost immediately shocked as I was.

I took another test later that night, and in less that a minute it showed pregnant again.
Joe is completely amazing about this. We were both surprised by this amazing gift, but we are excited to see what amazing person we have created.

I know the Heavenly Father gave us this opportunity for a reason, and I cannot wait to see how our lives are affected for the better. How Amazing!!